Oliver D. Bernuetz's Stories

Dame Darkness and the Colours

I need a sherry, no make it a brandy." Having said this Dame Darkness slumped into one of the overstuffed chairs in the lounge. She looked exhausted. Empress Earth tutted and said, "Why my dear you are positively off colour." Dame Darkness stiffened and croaked, "Please don't mention them." Lord Light harrumphed and adjusting his monocle asked, "Them who, my dear?" "Why those ghastly colours of course," she replied. Sir Sea sloshed his brandy around in his cup and sprayed, "What about them?" Everyone wiped their faces clean with the handy napkins as they awaited Dame Darkness' reply. "I was watching those blasted colours this afternoon because Uleria was, um, occupied elsewhere." Empress Earth rolled her eyes while Lord Light and Sir Sea smirked knowingly. King Umath guffawed loudly and everyone turned irritatedly towards him. Lord Light said, "You again. Would you please stop barging in where you're not welcome?"

After a brief struggle as the doorman evicted the unwelcome intruder Empress Earth resumed their conversation. "But my dear Uleria loves the little colours." "Of course she loves them. She's the blasted embodiment of love after all. That's the problem, she loves everything. If you ask me those blasted troubles are more trouble than they're worth. They're so, so bright, so bright and noisy. And shiny, especially gold. They get on your nerves. That's the problem. Yellow this, blue that, purple this. And there's so damn many of them. Why do we need a puce anyway? On and on they natter and colour and whatever it is they do. Well after an hour of that nonsense I decided to straighten them out and make them behave." Everyone gasped.

"What did you do?" asked Empress Earth. "I, uh, well I, gave them a good talking to. That's what I did. A good talking to. And I may have shown them around my home." At this point the door flew open and everyone turned expecting to see King Umath again. Instead it was Uleria. Straightening her dress she asked, "What did you do to the colours Dame Darkness? They're so dull and quiet." She ran her fingers through her tousled hair. "And where's little Oocarine? I can't find her anywhere." Dame Darkness scowled. "Oh it'll turn up. It's around here somewhere. By the way your dress is tucked into your undergarments at the back." Empress Earth rushed over and wrapped her arm around Uleria's shoulder, surreptitiously removing a leaf from her hair. "I'm sure you will have them back to normal in no time with your tender care." They left the room together.

And she did get the colours back to something like their old glory but they never shone quite as bright after that day and were positively subdued when Dame Darkness was present. And little Ocarine never did turn up again.

Last updated October 07, 2016

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